Are you happy ? This is a question that a section of people often ask themselves. If the majority of people in the world are heartless and live their lives to the end, I would give up my soul to join them.

Since I finished graduate school, I no longer have any waves on the grades, more is to see around the classmates one by one either to accompany their gf/bf, or a person to go to the vacation tour. Maybe it’s only after college that everyone’s class reveals itself, and class is nothing more than life’s riches and experiences passed down from generation to generation.

I’m sorry to say I didn’t have it. For as long as I can remember my family has been filled with name-calling, hookups, and tasteless strife between several families, and I didn’t feel love from my family or across generations, or I didn’t feel the supportive strength that such emotions gave me. My father was just a bottom-feeding look-at-me laborer, my mother was just a freelancer with an original disease, the family’s yearly savings was not even 1/4 of the average family’s, and the entire family’s yearly income barely even caught up to half of the average working man’s.

I didn’t care though, I once thought that if I was strong enough, sooner or later I would have a good income.

But I was wrong, even if I worked hard for half my life, I might just be catching up with others, or even just an average person’s starting point. Wealth can be created, but no one can help with experience. Since I was a child, because of the extreme disagreement between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship on the early separation of the family, in my family every day is the scene of scolding this and that, a bottom of the uneducated family, unless the child is good enough to the same level as the top scientists, and how to go on in only personal, without any family heritage experience, only by their own slow life, slowly sense to get the truth on the road?

I also know that what an individual becomes has a lot to do with the individual, and that blaming others is just an excuse for one’s own incompetence. But if I let someone come to live in my environment, won’t he become like me?

From freshman only began to have my own ideas, and there are planning for the family has long been in kindergarten has been set in the carefree road, if i’m not go outside to find Worldnet, I even still just a brainless dedication to nation it own, love to the party, long live , the red ultra-nationalists, but also because of finding the Worldnet, I understand the world’s parameter in the end is how big, and rely on a person’s whole life, is not enough to make up for it. Wisdom is a monopoly not for sale, and with it you can accumulate wealth, but a person’s life is limited, and I was destined to be miserable for the first half of my life, and perhaps the second half as well.

I have no feelings to anybody else , but I’m a paradoxical combination of being desperately short of love, I love animals, I want a relationship that intersects, and I’d like to visit any place in the world. But therein lies the saddest part of me. It’s not an original sin for people to be poor, and it’s not pathetic for people to be stupid, but it’s the saddest story of all that happens once a person understands things before they’re capable of doing so.

I know exactly why I look like, why I am so conflicted, and I know exactly how to solve and fix the answers to all my problems, but at the same time I clearly understand how far away and unreachable these answers are.

I longed to be loved, but it was hard for anyone to come close to my heart again, and I also wanted a normal family that would let me grow up with a smile on my face, and let me walk to my death without worries. But that’s a request I’m not blessed to enjoy, even if it’s not much to ask.

I want to walk into computers, but without help, even if it’s just for mental, from anyone, especially my family, I’m really tired.

Watching everyone else have families and friends, while I don’t even have the money or the stature to go out with my friends, and have to be alone at school, or in front of a desk in jail.

Haven’t laughed lately and probably never will again. Adults don’t only have to think about themselves, but also about work and life in the future, but I realize that the further down the road you go, relationships are even more of a joke, a joke lined with money and wealth, and a family of equal status. There is no one to help me along the way.

I also clearly understand that I am only equipped with the idea of working as a laborer, to study abroad and self-employment is even more of unrealistic fantasies, not that I do not have the ability, but is don’t allow me to equip with those choices.

I also want to continue to be funny, send some memes all day long to chat with friends, to be honest with myself, and honest with my friends, to be a silly-kind man, but other people do not let me continue to live in the dream, I can only choose to be a bad guy, a bad man who only thinks about himself.

Unless I can get to the day when I have a family, I might have some respite, but can I get to that day?

After half a lifetime of exhaustion, half a lifetime of earning money, looking back it’s not as good as living as an ant that’s been trampled to death, at least in the end it’s still popping, class is a wall that stands between the bottom of the brainless people and their families and the top of the social elites in the sky gully,.Can you climb up? We don’t know. Ask your family if they will let you climb up.

When people are mentally exhausted, they really won’t have any interests except playing games, because games are only my best companion this time, I can not leave him, because I have nothing, only play games.

Living without motivation also like being imprisoned.